It Was Always You
by CIAChick
Summary: LL angst. Preseason 4. AN: This fic has been discontinued. No new chaps will be posted.
1. Don't Get Engaged

It Was Always You

Chapter 1: Don't Get Engaged

Lorelai walks into her daughter's room to wake her up for her last day in Stars Hollow before Rory goes off to college. She bumps her shin on a box and practically topples forward. "Ow!" She hisses in the dark and her daughter stirs in bed.

Rory looks up sleepily. "What's going on?"

Lorelai sits down on the bed, rubbing her shin. "I was coming to wake you up and ran into one of your boxes. What have you got in there? Bricks?"

"Books," Rory responds, switching her lamp on.

"Books?" Lorelai repeats and then glances down as the light illuminates the room. Three boxes are marked books and Lorelai notices that one of Rory's bookshelves is almost empty. She laughs softly. "Honey, you can't take all these books to school with you."

"Why not? I've got to have things to read." Rory says simply, putting on her fuzzy slippers that feature stars and moons.

"You're going to have plenty to read for class. Besides, there's not going to be space for all these. You barely have enough shelf space for anything, not even considering three boxes of books. You can leave them here and if you want any, I can bring them to you on the weekend."

Rory looks sadly around at the boxes. "Alright," she finally says, a pouty look on her face, not wanting to abandon her books.

"Get dressed, we're going to Luke's," Lorelai smiles. Rory finally notices her mom's outfit. She's wearing her favorite sundress, the navy blue one, with flowers embroidered at the top.

"You're all dressed up," Rory comments with a smirk on her face.

"No, I'm not." Lorelai refutes.

"Yes, you are," she insists. "I never see you wear that dress except for special occasions and maybe once to work." She gives her mom a look as she pulls clothes out of her closet and begins to change.

"Well, can't I just look nice for my daughter's last day at home?" Lorelai teases.

Rory shrugs as she brushes her long hair. "I guess so." It just seems odd, she thinks. "But for future reference, you don't have to dress up for me. I think I've seen you at your worst."

Lorelai gasps. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Rory doesn't reply but instead grabs her purse and heads for the door. Lorelai follows.

As they walk into the town square, Rory asks, "So have you talked to Luke yet?"

Lorelai shakes her head. "Uh uh, he's still not back from his trip."

"Ooh really?" Rory teases, but stops short, seeing the look on her mother's face. She has never considered that her mom may have feelings for Luke or vice versa, but it crosses her mind as she sees hurt flash across Lorelai's face. "Well, I'm sure he has a good reason. Maybe he'll be back today."

"I hope so." Lorelai says, quickly adding, "Because it's your last day here and it would be sad to eat at Luke's without Luke." Rory laughs.

"It would be," she agrees. They enter the diner, the bell chiming over their heads and sit down at their usual table. Luke emerges from the kitchen a minute later. His usual dour face lights up upon seeing them.

"Hey!" He greets. He notices Lorelai's dress, he's only seen her wear that one other time, when she was going out on a date with Max. He wonders why she's so dressed up today, but realizes it's not anything to complain about and just enjoys the view.

"Luke!"

"Hey yourself." Lorelai replies, beaming at him. Surprisingly, Luke leans over, giving Rory a hug. Lorelai looks at him longingly, but knows that Luke's hugs are rare.

"It's your last day in town, kid, I think you deserve a free donut."

"Really?" Rory looks up hopefully.

"Of course." He points to the counter. "Go pick one out."

"Thanks!" Rory goes to the counter and selects one with chocolate frosting and sprinkles.

"Coffee?"

"Do you have to ask?" Lorelai replies. Luke shakes his head.

"What else?"

"Pancakes, with bacon and eggs for both of us," she replies. Rory sits back down and nods in agreement.

Luke nods and looks down at Lorelai, who seems eager to tell him something else. "What?"

"We just wondered why you were gone so long. We expected you back before us and we got back later than we planned."

"Oh really?" Luke's eyebrows rise. He's trying to hide his exultation that Lorelai might have missed him, that they wondered where he was. "Europe was good to you, huh?"

"Yeah, it was great," Rory replies enthusiastically. "Mom will have to show you the pictures sometime."

"So did you get seasick?" Lorelai returns to the subject.

"What?" Luke asks, confused.

"The boat, the boat, did you get sick on the boat? I bet you'd look attractive green," she teases.

"Oh no, the boat was fine. I'll, um, tell you about it later. I need to put your orders in." He wanders back to the kitchen, leaving Rory and Lorelai looking at each other in confusion.

"Did he just?" Rory starts.

"Yeah, that was weird," Lorelai replies, shrugging. "So do you have everything packed?" She asks, changing the subject.

"I think so," Rory squishes up her face as she thinks. They spend the rest of the time until their order comes going through everything. As Lorelai is paying, Luke leans forward.

"I need to talk to you about something later," he whispers, looking to see if Rory is paying attention.

"Alright," Lorelai says warily. "You can come by the house anytime. We're just getting Rory ready to go." Luke nods and gives her her change. Lorelai notices how his fingers slightly brush the palm of her hand, seeming to linger there a bit longer than necessary. But she doesn't say anything, she never says anything, at least not about that. She smiles and heads out the door to join Rory outside.

"What was that about?" Rory asks as they walk back to their house.

"Luke said he needed to talk to me about something later."

"He didn't say what?"

"Nope. Maybe he's bringing you a going away present." Lorelai says, trying to get off the subject.

"Maybe, but he said he needed to talk to you. Wouldn't he just say he got me something?" Rory asks, purposely digging. She's been trying to get her mom to admit for months that Luke dating Nicole has been bothering her, but they haven't really talked about relationships a lot lately. Her mom had been dating Alex and then one day, Rory had noticed that they hadn't gone out in awhile, but she never brought it up and Lorelai never mentioned it. And Rory had never told her mother that she suspected that Jess had been calling her and hanging up.

Lorelai shrugs. _Something._ The only something she can think about would be something dealing with Nicole and their trip. What if something happened? What if, like she had feared, Luke had proposed? She hadn't admitted to herself until recently, when he had been dating Nicole, that she may have feelings for Luke, that she thought of him as more than a friend. She had never confessed these things to Rory. She had wanted to while they were in Europe, but hadn't found a good time to do it. Rory probably already knew anyway, she was certainly smart enough to figure it out herself.

Later in the afternoon, Rory walks back in to town to go see Lane one last time. Lorelai joins her, figuring it is as good a time as any to find out what Luke wanted to talk to her about.

The bell rings over her head as she enters, the diner is empty, but soon it would be filled with people, having dinner.

Luke looks up from counting the register. "Oh hey," he says quietly. Lorelai takes a seat at the counter and waits for him to finish.

"Rory wanted to say good bye to Lane so I decided to come find out what you wanted to talk about." Luke sighs, rubbing his face. "It's about Nicole, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he replies quietly.

"Well, what is it?" She prompts, trying not to show that she is nervous. Her heart is pumping in her chest and she rubs her hands on her dress.

"We're engaged, Lorelai. I asked her while we were on the boat." He looks up at Lorelai, a serious look on his face, trying to gauge her reaction. His dream pops into his head. _Don't get engaged_, she had said. But he hadn't listened. It had just been a dream, it didn't mean anything, right?

Lorelai hopes her face doesn't fall. "That's great," she tries to say enthusiastically. She hopes the smile on her face isn't as fake as it feels. Luke frowns at her. He knows something is up. She is quiet. Lorelai is never quiet. He had always noticed since she had started coming to the diner, how everything kind of focuses on her when she enters a room. He had hated that about her at first, but now he found it endearing, enjoys bantering with her. Plus he knows she can be serious too, that she always isn't so lively and attention craving.

"What's wrong?" He asks, knowing perfectly well and knowing perfectly well that she won't tell him.

"What? Nothing. I thought you might ask her. I'm just surprised that's all." She smoothes her dress and tries not to make eye contact with him. The diner suddenly seems very quiet, even though the radio is playing in the back. "So have you all set a date yet?"

Luke shakes his head. "We think sometime before Christmas. We were at her parents' this week, trying to work some things out." _Why did I tell her that? _

"Oh," Lorelai says simply. "She seems nice." She feels like she can't breathe, that she is suffocating even though the diner is cool. She needs to get out of there. "I better go," she excuses herself. "Still a lot of stuff to do before Rory leaves. But congratulations, really." She tries smiling again. Nope, still feels fake.

Luke looks surprised. "Alright," he says hesitantly. "Wish her good luck for me," he calls, but Lorelai is practically already out the door. He watches her dark head bob down the street, slightly bent and for a moment, he wonders if she is crying.

Lorelai can't hold her tears in for long. She tries to walk quickly so maybe they won't fall and she can get out of the main town square before bawling, but she feels one roll down her cheek and can practically here its splat on the sidewalk. She wipes at her eyes hastily, trying not to look up. If anyone sees, it would be around the town in five seconds flat and Luke would inevitably hear and show up at her house five minutes later with apologies and it would be awkward again and now she really is crying. Once she gets out of the main square, she starts to jog home, wanting to just shut herself up in her room with some cookies or ice cream or whatever junk food they have. She finally reaches the house, taking a stack of magazines up to her room, where she quickly changes into navy sweatpants and a yellow tank top. She wanders down to the kitchen, stocking up, and hopes that Rory stays at Lane's for at least a couple hours so she can wallow in self-pity, read about other people's problems, which are always more horrible and embarrassing than her own, and indulge her junk food fetish.

            Rory comes home later, not too late and is surprised to find the lights on downstairs, but her mother already asleep upstairs. Rory tucks the covers over her and removes the pile of magazines from the bed. The light from the hallway lets her notice the empty pint of Ben & Jerry's. She shuts the door, smiling and wondering if that will be the last time she tucks her mom in for awhile. She tries not to think about it, she had already gotten all emotional and nostalgic at Lane's earlier. Twice in one night is too much. She throws the empty carton away and the spoon in the sink and heads to her room, trying not to trip over boxes. She stares around for a second, her bookshelf stuffed again, her Harvard board now plastered with pictures of Yale, and her desk cleared of belongings, only one box sits there, marked: Desk. The last night she will spend in the house before she is officially a college student and technically not living at home anymore.

            Luke sits in front of the television, trying to watch a baseball game, but it's not working. Normally he would be with Nicole, talking casually about whatever came to mind, just enjoying each other's company, nothing overly exciting. But she is in Boston. He likes his simple relationship with her. It is predictable and adult and calm. But sometimes he wants the opposite of all that.

            He wants Lorelai, who is wild and immature and funny. He has to admit that he has always sort of been attracted to her, he doesn't mind flirting with her. He had been jealous of her relationships with Max, Christopher, and Alex. But he never told her anything, tried not to comment, although it was especially difficult when she was one the cusp of marrying Max. He hadn't needed to say anything though, she had realized her own insecurities about it and taken off.

            He's never told her, even after she had told him about her dream. He's afraid of what he might do and that he might ruin what they have, this crazy kind of friendship. They have been mistaken for a couple many times, their closeness has driven off various dates, not to mention Rachel. This problem has not gone away with Nicole either. He talked about Lorelai too much on their first date, but it hadn't seemed to bother Nicole. She doesn't seem to be bothered by much, he's never seen her get worked up over something. She just accepts things easily. And this woman is a lawyer? Lorelai would make a better lawyer—at least she would put up a fight. Then why isn't she putting up a fight over him?

**Author's note: While there is a second chapter of this fic I DO NOT plan to continue. Too much time had passed in the fourth season while I was writing this and I didn't feel very inspired to continue. I have written a couple of one parters (post-season 4) and am working on yet another long piece that is posted here as well. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Everything's Changing

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading this story. I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, but I knew it would take me forever to write anymore of this. And season 4 isn't helping. But I think the lack of Luke/Lorelai has made me miss them so much that I've gotten inspired again! So hurrah!**

Thanks to my beta, carrielynn, for encouraging me to post this second part!

**Chapter 2: Everything's Changing**

Lorelai makes herself go to Luke's the next morning. She gets up early, knowing Rory will not wake for awhile, grabs a jacket, and heads into town. 

There's Luke, practically alone in the diner. The only other customers are a couple in the corner, with a tiny baby in a seat, and they aren't paying attention to anyone but themselves and occasionally cooing over the baby. Lorelai thinks he looks sad, but then Luke rarely smiles, he just maintains his gruff exterior, letting it slip every so often that he is a real person, who has feelings and legitimately cares for others. 

He notices Lorelai coming in the door out of the corner of his eye, but doesn't look up until she's sitting at the counter, tapping her nails. He finally looks up at her and she smiles. He figures it's safe to approach, surely she wouldn't yell at him when there are other customers around and Caesar's just in the back. "Two coffees, please. To go."

Oh, of course. What did he expect? Her to sit around and be awkward, trying to avoid the subject they both wanted to talk about, but couldn't? So he is surprised when she speaks up.

"I really am sorry about yesterday. I was just shocked. You aren't really a spur-of-the-moment kind of guy." 

"So you think I'm boring?" He snaps, not meaning to sound so harsh. He cringes, turning to see her pretty blue eyes absorb the shock of his comment. _Oops. _

"No, I just meant you think things through before you do them, which is good. So I just didn't imagine you doing something like this. It's such a big deal." It's something I would do, not you, she thinks. He hands her the cups, hot against his hands, but he barely feels them. "Just think about it a little more, okay?" She catches his eye as she says this and as he stares into them, he gets the sudden urge to lean over the counter and kiss her, but before he gets his chance she's gone, the bell ringing above the door. He watches her head bob away as he did the day before, except this time she glances back. 

Luke sees Lorelai's Jeep drive past a little later, followed by Rory's new car. He tells Caesar to man the cash register for a little while and he walks over to Lorelai's, slipping a note beneath the front door. 

Lorelai hops out of the Jeep and goes around to Rory's car. "You ready to do this?"

"Do I have a choice?" 

"Yes, you can come back to Stars Hollow and we can have a movie marathon, gorge out on junk food until you weigh 350 pounds and we have to lift you out of the house by crane."

"Well forget college then, the crane sounds more fun." Rory replies sarcastically. 

"I thought so." Rory rolls her eyes and shoves a box into her mom's arms. They check in and a girl in a Yale t-shirt and hands her a key. 

"Your roommate is already here. And I'm Victoria, your RA."

"Nice to meet you. This is my mom, Lorelai."

"My middle name is Victoria," she adds before Rory ushers her upstairs. 

The door to Rory's room is already open. "Hello?" Lorelai calls, peeking her head inside. A tall man with blonde hair and stunning green eyes is sitting on one of the beds. "Are you Rory's new roommate?" Lorelai asks and the man laughs.

"No, that would be my daughter, Ashley. I'm Will." Lorelai sets her box down and shakes hands with this attractive man, trying not to drool on herself. 

"I'm Lorelai. And this is Rory," she nods to Rory, who waves and says "hi." 

"Ashley's down getting more stuff. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, I think we can manage. Just a bunch of boxes." She had noticed the absence of a ring when she shook his hand and wonders if he is divorced, widowed, or a single parent like herself. 

"He's attractive," Rory says as they walk back down to the car.

"Hey, no hitting on your roommate's dad!" Lorelai chides as they get more boxes out of Rory's car. 

"I meant for you," Rory says seriously. 

"Oh, well, I'm content with my friends Ben and Jerry." Lorelai replies. 

"So I noticed last night. What's up?" Rory sets down her box and leans against the car, giving her mother a withering look. 

Lorelai puts her box on the hood of Rory's car and sighs, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "Luke's engaged," she says bluntly.

"What? To who? Nicole?" Rory's blue eyes grow wide. Lorelai nods, not sure of what to say. "Well, maybe he'll rethink it. I just can't see them together." Rory shakes her head, unbelieving. She doesn't want to press her mom into talking about things she doesn't feel comfortable talking about, so she doesn't push it any farther. 

Lorelai wants to explain more, but at the same time she knows if she does there will be questions and she's not sure she could handle that right now, she would end up crying again and that's not what she needs so she remains silent. But she can't help but think about how everyone seemed to think there was something between Luke and Lorelai, _except Luke and Lorelai. She forgets this train of thought however when she re-enters the room and sees Rory's roommate's dad again. He_ is _cute and he's got a killer smile. See, it's so much easier to fall for strangers. Then you don't have to see them around town after you have a fight and be all awkward and embarrassed, feeling like everyone is watching you. Lorelai snaps back to reality—she's already having dream fights with Luke and they aren't even dating, he's __engaged. A _really_ bad sign. She blames it on the stress of the day and not enough coffee that morning. _

She sees when they return that Ashley has made an appearance and she looks nice enough, dark hair in braids, glasses, bookish, already fiddling with her laptop. Will and Lorelai make small talk as they help their daughters unpack. 

"So where are you from?" Will asks pleasantly, unloading an armful of books, one which slips and falls to the floor. Lorelai reaches for it, handing it back to him. "Thanks," he flashes a killer smile at her. 

"Stars Hollow," she answers his question. "Ever hear of it?" 

"Can't say I have. We're from Hartford."

"Oh really!" Lorelai exclaims. "My parents live there. We're not too far from there, about 30 miles. But I grew up in Hartford." She nods knowingly. "What do you do in Hartford?"

"Nothing interesting, I work for an insurance company, but I do get to travel a lot." He shrugs, not looking too enthused about his job. 

"My dad worked in insurance. Maybe you've heard of him, Richard Gilmore?"

"Yeah!" Will says, a surprised look on his face. "I was invited to his retirement party, even though we'd only moved to Hartford a few months before. He seems like a nice guy." 

"He's great," Lorelai says simply, enjoying the way his green eyes light up. 

"So what about you, what keeps you occupied in Stars Hollow?"

"I manage an inn, but a friend and I are hoping to open our own soon."

"That sounds great! I always wanted to move somewhere smaller, open my own business. We've lived in Boston and New York, I'm kind of getting sick of big cities."

"Well you should come visit us," Lorelai offers. "The town's beautiful. A little strange sometimes, but it keeps things interesting." She winks.

Will chuckles. "I bet." 

Lorelai looks at the rest of the boxes. "You sure you can get all these unpacked yourself?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just clothes and stuff." Rory shrugs. She knows her mom is just stalling for time, she doesn't want to leave yet. Rory is surprised she's doing so well, she thought for sure she would be ridiculous, taking pictures, breaking down every few minutes. Rory shakes her head at the thought, not even imagining what it would have been like if she had gone farther away to Harvard. 

"What about your textbooks? We could go get those."

"Oh, well, I'm sure Ashley and I can go get those later. I just kind of want to get settled in today."

"Books?" Ashley asks, turning away from her laptop. "Sure, we can get them later, before we go eat or something."

Rory nods. "So?" She says awkwardly, starting to hang up clothes in her closet. "Oh, I set up the computer so you can easily email me whenever you want or get Sookie to show you how to do it at work."

"Email? What century are you living in, Gutenberg? I can talk to you on instant messenger. Or," she produces her phone from her purse, pointing to the one on Rory's night stand. "I can text message you."

"Or you can use the phone," Rory gives her mother a withering look, which turns soft, as if she's realizing what is about to happen. 

"Please, don't cry," Lorelai begs. "Because if you cry, I cry." She sees Rory's tears coming and they walk out into the hallway. Lorelai produces tissues from her bag. "I came prepared."

"Thank God." Rory wipes at her face. "This is so silly. It's not like I'm moving to Kazakhstan or somewhere. We'll see each other. I'll call you to let you know how classes are going. And there's always the Gilmore dinners."

Lorelai almost laughs. "Ahh, yes, the infamous Gilmore dinners. Forget dinner, it should be called a weekly brawl. That's what it is."

Rory rolls her eyes at her mom, but laughs a little. "So we're going to be okay? Just pretend its last summer when I was trapped in Washington and you had to make do without me."

Lorelai takes a deep breath and gives Rory a big hug. "I think I can do that. For a little while, anyways. You know it's still me and you against the world though, right kid?"

"Ya Ya!" Rory responds and they giggle. 

"Even though you're here and I'm in Stars Hollow?" Lorelai asks, obviously worried.

"I'll see you in like a week." Rory reminds her, kissing her cheek before they walk back into the room. Lorelai hugs Rory again and for a second, Rory is afraid she's going to suffocate. "Mom!" She cries, her mouth muffled by her mom's arm. Finally she gets out of her death vice and says, "See you."

"Good luck with classes. I'll talk to you sweetie."

"Bye, mom." Will offers to walk Lorelai out and she accepts, thinking maybe she won't cry in the company of a man she barely knows. 

"Is Rory your only child?" Will asks Lorelai as they walk out of the building. Lorelai nods. "I bet this is going to be hard on you."

"How do you know I'm not married?" Lorelai questions. 

"No ring," he answers simply. 

"Well, you and I are going through the same thing then," Lorelai responds. He looks confused. "No ring," she points out. 

"Touché, but Ashley has a younger brother. He'll keep me busy." Lorelai nods. 

"Sorry if this is forward, but what happened to your wife?" 

"She left when Ashley was almost ten, Brian was only three." Will looks down, studies his shoes. 

"I'm sorry." She lets silence for a second before continuing. "But I understand. It's kind of the same with me. We didn't end up getting married, I mean Rory's dad and I, so I raised her on my own." She finishes awkwardly. Wow, his good looks must be going to her head. He has a different style than most the guys she's dated. He's sharper, more metropolitan maybe, and would definitely look hot in a suit. Obviously his whole wardrobe doesn't consist of flannel shirts. Will nods knowingly, his face serious, his green eyes attentive.

"Well Lorelai, it was nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll be running into each other again." He says, offering his hand. 

"I certainly hope so," Lorelai says, smiling. 

She pulls up to the house later, trying not to think about her only daughter, fending for herself in a new town. As she steps inside, she hears something under her foot and sees that a letter has been slipped under the door and is trapped under her sandal. She moves her foot and picks it up, not recognizing the scrawl across the front. She unfolds the note and by the end, tears are rolling down her cheeks. After not crying all the way home, she's mad at herself that one little note can make her bawl like a baby.

_Lorelai__,_

_            I'm sorry I surprised you. And just so you know, I have been thinking about it every since I did it. I know this is going to be a rough time for you and I feel badly that I just added to your problems. If you need anything, even if it's just someone to fix a squeaky hinge, don't be afraid to call. _

_--Luke _

The last person she wants to call is Luke, who's engaged to another woman, something she can't easily forget. She tries Sookie, but she doesn't pick up. And she just left Rory, she would feel pitiful calling her own daughter so shortly after leaving. Plus Rory needs some time alone, so she can adjust, without Lorelai calling to tell her every little thing. She calls the diner and Luke answers. "Luke's." 

At first all he hears is sniffling on the other end of the phone. "Luuuke," a shaky voice says. 

"Oh my God, Lorelai." He doesn't even bother to think before saying, "I'll be right over." Rushing back to the kitchen, he informs Caesar that he'll be leaving for awhile and that he needs to handle the dinner rush by himself. He runs upstairs to get his coat, throws some brownies in a bag on the way out, and starts out for Lorelai's, ignoring the looks of customers in the diner. 

On his way over, he remembers that Nicole had called earlier and left a message, mentioning something about going out tonight. Damn it, he couldn't very well call her from Lorelai's so he stops off at a pay phone. The phone rings and he prays silently that she won't be home yet so he can just leave a message, not wanting to explain why he can't make it and have to hear the disappointment in her voice. But she picks up.  

"Hello?"

"Hey, this is Luke."

"Hey, did you get my message? I rented a movie and you can come over after you close the diner, right?" He cringes at the expectant tone in her voice.

"Well," he hesitates and hears her sigh on the other end of the phone. He starts to make an excuse, but she interrupts.

"No, I understand. Lorelai, right?" He senses the bite in her voice.

"How did you know?" He splutters, not wanting her to think she places after Lorelai in his life.

"You mentioned something last week about her daughter leaving for college. I figured she would be a mess, those two are attached at the hip." He could tell she would be rolling her eyes right now if he could see her. His breath had hitched when she had insulted Lorelai and Rory's relationship, but he didn't feel like getting into it at the moment, not in the middle of the street on a pay phone. He says goodbye and hangs up, wondering what he was thinking asking someone like her to marry him. She's a great girl, she's sweet and fun to be around, Luke reminds himself. Another thought continues to nag at him: But she's not Lorelai. 


End file.
